ESPN's Bottom Line - Version 2.0

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Game of Thrones....Except with Jets Quarterbacks

So unless you've been in a coma for the past 6 months you know that the Jets QB situation is an absolute mess and that Game of Thrones is awesome. If you think Game of Thrones isn't awesome you either suck or you're my roommate Jake Nannen (possibly both). Anyway, I was watching the newest episode a few nights ago and as I was trying to remember what was going on with the 50 different characters, I realized that the fight for the Iron Throne is kind of like the fight for the Jets starting QB situation. I understand some of these comparisons may not be perfect but I think they are the closest as far as the show goes. *Spoilers




Geno Smith: Daenarys Targaryen/Khaleesi/Best character on the show

So obviously Geno isn't nearly as much of a beast as Daenarys but he's the best thing the Jets have. Lets look at the similarities. They both started off in the middle of nowhere (West Virginia and the other side of the world), they both have an arsenal of weapons (Geno's speed, athleticism and arm; Daenarys's dragons and army of weird nippleless slaves), and they are both looking to inherit a situation that is an absolute mess. In addition, although Geno will most likely win the starting job, only time will tell whether he is the right man to lead the Jets, just like only time will tell whether Daenarys will be a great ruler. I mean yeah, she's got dragons and is the best character on the show, but she's also crazy. She ate a heart and watched her brother get killed in front of her without even reacting. Still, absolute power move by her burning that slave city.

Tim Tebow: Stannis Baratheon 

Ok I know Tebow just got cut but he's as big a part of the disease known as the New York Jets as any player on their roster. In all honesty, I think this is the best comparison to anyone from Game of Thrones. At one point, it seemed as if both were in the lead to win the throne/starting job but after a series of events (Stannis's failed raid of King's Landing and Tebow's hilariously awful 5 yard throws), both were left in terrible situations. Also, both have well documented obsessions with their religions. At least Stannis doesn't have the enthusiastic vocabulary of an 11 year old.

David Garrard: Jaime Lannister

Once a proud quarterback, David Garrard led the Arena Football League Jacksonville (Soon to be Los Angeles) Jaguars to the playoffs and a win over the Steelers in the 2008 Wild Card. While probably not as important or talented as Jaime was, he still had his moments, however brief. Nevertheless, both are well past their prime and Jaime doesn't even have a hand. I don't know if Garrard still has his hand but I'm going to assume for argument's sake that he somehow lost it in a freak hunting accident since I saw him on Hardknocks last year. Maybe Garrard can make the team, and maybe he can make some noise in the preseason but he's a mediocre quarterback well past his prime, just like Jaime is well past his.

Mark Sanchez: Joffrey Baratheon

I don't really think Sanchez is as awful a leader, or person, or overall disgrace to human beings everywhere, as Joffrey "Born From Incest" Baratheon. Coming from a proud family/storied college, both seemed like they would be right for the kingdom/Jets. Nope. Absolutely wrong. Just horribly, horribly wrong. While Sanchez did actually have his high moments, unlike Joffrey "Demon Spawn" Baratheon, both have hit extreme lows with subjects and fans despising both. Both were too young and inexperienced when they took over their roles and suffered because of it. While Joffrey "I Have A Dad-Uncle" Baratheon is as likely to stay Ruler of the Seven Kingdoms as Mark Sanchez is to remain the starting quarterback, both are still slated in at their positions and will stay there until it is taken away from them. Hopefully sooner rather than later.

Greg McElroy: Tyrion Lannister

Size? No. Experience? No. Respect from others? No. Awesome criticism of his superiors? Yes. These are just some of the similarities between McElroy and the greatest midget ever. Obviously McElroy won't be starting and obviously Tyrion won't be winning the throne but the fact that they are both undersized and not physically gifted yet still extremely likable at the same time says something.

Matt Simms: The weird breast feeding kid from season 1 (Robyn or something?)

Honestly don't have any idea who this guy is. Probably won't be starting though. I hope for his sake he doesn't share any comparisons with this kid.

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