Stash & Trash

Here's an article for all you fantasy baseball owners out there.  I will be dishin' out some advice on who you should add and who you should drop.  To give some context, I'm going to assume that you are in a 12 man league.  In addition, I will provide 1 deep sleeper for each position (I consider a deep league having 14 teams +).  I also will not be obvious; I'm not going to put Bryce Harper as an outfielder to "Stash."  If you think he should be in the "Trash" category you are crazier than Dennis Rodman.  If you do not know who Bryce Harper is, please stop reading (unless you want to scroll down to the candy portion- then go ahead).  Remember, even if a player isn't available as a free agent, a few trade offers never hurt anyone.  Except when Jose Reyes got dealt North of the border.  He was pretty peeved.

Catcher



Stash- Willin Rosario COL- Rosario displayed his immense power last year going yahtzee 28 times in less than 400 at bats.  This year, Rosario's the every day backstop for a potent Colorado offense.  Batting behind the likes of Carlos Gonzalez, Troy Tulowitzki, Michael Cuddyer and Todd Helton, Rosario will have ducks on the pond all year.  If he can get anywhere near last year's power production, this young pup could knock in 90 + runs this year.  You Heard Me.1

Trash- Jesus Montero SEA- Brutal start for the youngster.  He's hitting .176 with 1 ribby while Kelly Shoppach, AKA the most typical veteran backup catcher in the league, licks his chops and bides his time waiting to steal some weekly starts from the former Yankee prospect.  People keep Montero on their team simply because of his status as a prospect who will soon morph into a duplicate of Yogi Berra.  The facts are that at this point in his young career, he's not a starting catcher in a 12 team league.   His time will come.

Deep League Pickup- A.J Ellis LAD- Dude showed some pop last year; he's the starting catcher for an Dodgers team that features studs such as Carl Crawford, Adrian Gonzalez, Matt Kemp and Andre Ethier.  He will have ample opportunities to knock in runs similarly to fellow NL West catcher Willin Rosario.  I feel that he is undervalued because when people think to themselves 'wait who is the Dodgers catcher again' the first answers that come to mind are Russell Martin and Paul Lo Duca.  Just a fact of life.

First Base

Stash- Lance Berkman TEX- This is a guy to trade for.  With an Average Draft Position (ADP) of a shade over 210, The Big Puma was an afterthought in the minds of fantasy drones.  Owners forget about Sir Lancelot because he mustered up a meager 81 at bats last season amidst 4, count em, 4 DL stints.  It goes completely unnoticed that Berkman is only two years removed from a season in which he hit 31 diners, knocked in 94 runs and batted above .300.  This all came at the age of 35.  I believe Lance is poised for a huge bounce-back year; he is absolutely raking so far.  Batting in the heart of the red hot Ranger lineup won't hurt his cause either.  Clearly, there is a trend in my thinking, folks; I'm a big fan of guys stationed in heavy-hitting orders.

Trash- Chris Davis BAL- Maybe a shocker here but I'm not buying what Mr. Davis is selling.  If you're going to trade Chris Davis at any point this year, the best time is now.  I'm sure there's some moron out there in your league willing to pay draft-day price and his house for Davis's services.  I'm aware that he has 19 ribs and an avg hovering above .400.  It won't last.  He strikes out more than over-aggressive freshman at frat parties.  Eventually, his BA will drop down near his career average of .261.  Reeling in believers only to let them down is just such a typical Chris Davis thing to do.  Deal him while the market's hot.  Sell high.

Deep League Pickup- Matt Adams STL- Simply put, dude is flat out raking right now.  I know he doesn't get consistent playing time but the Cards will have to find a way to get him in the lineup soon enough.  He also went to a college called Slippery Rock University.  That just screams bad-ass.

Second Base

Stash- Jose Altuve HOU- The shortest active MLB player, standing at 5 foot 5, is a budding star.  He was an absolute bargain in drafts this year going around 93rd overall.  This little guy is not to be taken lightly.  He gets on base, he swipes bags and he crosses the plate; he's coming into his own as a 3 category beast.  To the critics who claim I am abandoning my "roll with the guys in the star-studded lineups" strategy, I want to point out that Altuve will not be pitched around (and I do admit the Astros lineup sucks wind).  You see, I stayed away from a certain Miami Marlins outfielder this year (I'll get to him later) because he will undoubtedly be pitched around this year with ducks on the pond.  To the contrary, managers won't be giving the 4 fingers to Altuve this year as 1) he hits atop the lineup (you don't want to put a guy on to start the inning), 2) he hits a lot of singles so a walk is basically giving up and 3) pitchers have an I-don't-want-to-appear-weak-complex (See Zack Greinke); their macho attitude will not permit them to intentionally walk a tiny second basemen.  In short, Altuve is an underrated fantasy commodity this year.  At the ripe age of 22, Altuve is in the Show to stay.

Trash- Dan Uggla ATL-  Yuck.  Even his name incites a gag reflex.  Uggla's been on the decline the past few years batting .233 and .220 in 2011 and 2012, respectively.  Some guy's can delay their eventual decline for a bit but Uggla seems on the way out.  He's a simple case of empty power.  Every once and a while he'll spring a run of 3 or 4 HR in a week or so but he doesn't help you in many categories besides the long-ball.  For the amount of home runs he usually hits (averages 31 a year for his career), he knocks in a low amount of runs (has only hit over 100 rbi once).  This guy is just somewhere you need to stay away from.  If you're stuck with him there's nothing you can really do.  Nobody's going to trade for him.  You're screwed, bro.

Deep League Pickup- Mark Ellis LAD- Not many options here as 2B is not a deep position in deep leagues.  Let me clarify, second base is a relatively deep position this year but if you're in a 16 team league and need a starting 2B, a 2B/SS and a backup 2B, pickings are slim right when you delve below the Jedd Gyorko tier.  Owned in only 7.7 % of ESPN standard leagues, Ellis is a bit underrated.  He's playing every day in the potent Dodger lineup and he has a pulse.  Not a sexy pick here but better than someone who doesn't get playing time, right?

Third Base

Stash- Matt Carpenter STL- Fact: Matt Carpenter rakes.  Matt Carpenter.  Matt Adams.  Battlestar Gallactica.3  Carpenter, like the aforementioned Adams, is a slugger who the Cards need playing every day.  Fantasy wise, Carpenter is vastly underrated.  You know he's gonna hit for a high avg (leading to a plethora of rbi and runs if he gets the at bats) and you know he's got flexibility.  Carpenter is a fantasy owner's best friend as he is eligible at an array of positions (1B, 3B and OF right now but he's working on 2B eligibility).  If he's available in your 12 team league, Carpenter just reached 100 % ownership in ESPN standard 10 team leagues, scoop him up and thank me later.

Trash- Kyle Seager SEA- Tough to find a 3B I don't like.  The crop is the deepest it's been in years.  If you aren't set at the hot corner, something went terribly wrong on draft day because there are 10-12 very solid options.  I expect Seager to regress after his 20 HR, 86 RBI outpour in his sophomore campaign.  Just not a valuable player here.  Definitely a droppable dude.

Deep League Pickup- Chris Johnson ATL- With Freddie Freeman currently on the shelf, CJ2K (that's what they call him, right?) has seen in increase in playing time.  Without Freeman, Johnson has averaged 25.3 carries per game racking up at least 120 yards on the ground in each contest.  Unfortunately, he's fallen victim to touchdown vulture Lendalle White recently which has curtailed his fantasy totals.  Wait a second...  I screwed up that's a different Chris Johnson.  Also it's not 2010.  Getting back to the diamond, Chris Johnson is an underrated hitter (.281 avg last year on Houston).  Fantasy owners forget about him in deep leagues because his name is so damn common.  If his name was something like Jackmerius Tacktheritrix, he would be a more sexy pick.  If he earns some playing time, he'll supply a .280 avg with 15 home runs again.

Shortstop

Stash- Jean Segura MIL- Some cheap speed here with the potential for a high avg.  A very solid backup SS in a 12 man league.

Trash- Jimmy Rollins PHI- Just wreaks of oldness.  I forecast a huge decrease in swipes for grandpa Rollins in addition to a huge increase in bingo games down at the senior center.  I don't remember a time when Jimmy Rollins wasn't old.  Like I know he was good up until last year or so but he still was old.  He is now the poster child for the guy that gets drafted 5-6 rounds after his ADP, his owner then regrets the pick because it's Jimmy Rollins and he makes Vin Scully look young, and then he goes on to put up tons of runs and steals with solid pop.  I'll probably regret this but I'm just staying away from Jimmy till he retires.

Deep League Pickup- Billy Hamilton CIN- Billy is a prospect worth mentioning.  He's on a torrid pace at Triple A Columbus right now hitting .500.  He's also a terror for opposing pitchers once he reaches first base.  This is the type of guy who can win you the steals category by himself every few weeks.  For a deep league, he's worth a stash on your bench.  Zack Cozart, the current Reds shortstop, is struggling at the plate batting .175 right now.

Outfield

Stash- Evan Gattis ATL- Raking so far, hits in the Braves order, and has catcher eligibility, as well as OF eligibilty.  Very valuable guy to have on your bench or in your utility slot.

Stash- Starling Marte PIT- Dude straight up fly's and is leading off for the Buckos every day.  So far, he's 6-10 leading off games.  Get him in your starting lineups immediately.

Stash- Dominic Brown PHI- The prized Philly prospect is finally getting regular playing time.  He's hitting 1 spot behind, or sometimes directly behind, Chase Utley and Ryan Howard in the order meaning he is susceptible to unfavorably matchups against late inning lefty relievers but that should not halt his production.  In fact, hitting behind Utley and Howard and high average hitter Michael Young, Brown should have a plethora of opportunities to drive in runs.  Right now, he's a very solid #6 outfielder (first guy off the bench) for a fantasy team.

Trash- Giancarlo Stanton MIA- By no means am I telling you to drop Giancarlo.  He was a second round pick in most fantasy leagues and eventually the power will come.  I just need to put him to in this category to show that he is vastly overrated.  He'll get you an empty 35 homers; most of them will be solo shots in blowout affairs.  The Marlins aren't just bad this year.  They have a shot at being a historically terrible squad.  Opposing pitchers are simply not going to let Stanton beat them.  If your league counts on base percentage, you may want to acquire him though as he will be walking to first base many a times in 2013.  Even when he isn't walked, his doubles and home-runs will be wasted because his teammates can't get on base!  Moreover, he despises Jeffrey Loria; his disdain for the Marlins organization will not be a motivating factor for him to have a big year.  He'll be out of town either by the trade deadline or the winter.

Guy on the left dislikes the guy on the right.

Trash- Vernon Wells NYY-  I know he's off to a hot start but I don't believe he keeps it up.  He's a man clearly on the decline.  Trade him to someone who values April stats more than any other months stats.

Trash- Melky Cabrera TOR- He basically admitted that he juiced up last year.  He's not the same guy, in fact he's basically a totally different guy now that he's (well I think he is) off the 'roids.  His ADP was 98.1.  Huh?

Deep League Pickup-  Lucas Duda NYM- The Metropolitans slugger had a nice first-half in 2012, but swiftly fell off from 4 hitter to Triple A Buffalo standout in a period of a month.  This year, he's healthy, he's in the majors, and the Mets have a shot at going 158-4.2  Worth a bench slot in a 14 teamer if you lack power.

Now that I've gone through hitters, I can proceed with a special bonus section.  To cover starting pitchers, I will compare a bunch of hurlers to a bunch of candy bars.  I don't think Stash & Trash is appropriate for starting pitching in a league that is not incredibly deep.  In my fantasy league this year, my strategy was to grab two consistently dominant pitchers.  I wanted to draft two guys who I could count on to anchor my staff; minimizing risk was a priority.  After snagging San Francisco Giants' aces Matt (Candy) Cain and (Billy) Madison Bumgarner, I focused on filling in my lineup (C- Carlos Santana, SS- Elvis Andrus, 3B- Martin Prado) and locking up a lights out closer (Joe Nathan).  My thinking: there are only a couple handful of guys who you just know are good for an elite season.  After the first 6 or 7 rounds are through, the pitchers being drafted could wind up in the top 10, top 20, or outside the top 50.  It's a crapshoot.  Of course, there are guys you like better than others and such, but overall it's much easier to trust a hitter in the mid-rounds than a pitcher.

So, this year I'm advising owners to play the matchups.4  Be that "1:04 snake" who add-drops on a Sunday.  Pile on pitchers facing anemic offenses.  This year more than others, the light-hitting, atrocious lineups are painfully obvious.  The Miami Marlins, San Diego Padres, Pittsburgh Pirates, Chicago Cubs and Houston Astros are a few of the teams you must target when looking for probable starters.  These teams can't hit.  Simply unable to swing the bat.  Listen, I'm not advertising streaming pitchers as a strategy to be employed all week, though.  Use it if you're in need of some help in the pitching categories late in the week.  This is why constructing a 5 man starting rotation (maybe 6 if you find some late round gems), headlined by two aces and late round low-era risk guys, is crucial.  If you can keep your ERA/WHIP low early in the week, possibly falling behind in the strikeouts category as a result, you can always stream Saturday and Sunday to gain K's (assuming you haven't already won your matchup).  In a nutshell, go low in quantity/high in quality in constructing your staffs.  I know drafts have passed but the trading deadline is still months away.  Trade some excess arms for a potent bat.

Okay so that was a mouthful.  I just spewed out more junk than a robo-tripping coke head after an all night binge.  Let's get to the crux of it, folks, which pitchers equate to which candy bars?

 Division 1: Heart of the Matter

Sorry George, they're all gone

      Twix- All American right here.  Who doesn't remember George Costanza's rage after realizing that his mechanic stole his coveted Twix bar?  Dude absolutely lost it.  Grade A freakout.  Twix's are undoubtedly a staple of our culture.  The main component that separates the Twix bar from the rest of the field is its ability to hide its most attractive features.  From the outside, it looks like a typical chocolate bar (with a shape crossed between a cylinder and a traditional rectangle), but upon further exploration, one will find the distinctive attributes of the Twix.  Caramel and nougat can be found under the deceptive top layer but if those flavors don't tickle your fancy, I suggest you savor the dynamite cookie crunch component found at the core of the candy bar.  Any candy bar enthusiast knows that "Twix is the only candy with the cookie crunch." (Costanza)  So which MLB arm most resembles the Twix bar?  In a surprise twist, Johnny Cueto is the twix bar of fantasy baseball.  On draft day, you think of him as the dude he's been around for a while, doesn't strike guys out, and pitches in a typically offense friendly ballpark (Great American Ballpark).  Similarly to the Twix bar, you don't understand the true nature of Cueto unless you dig a bit deeper.  First of all, Cueto is fairly young at 27 years old.  He has a career ERA of 3.64 which is fairly inflated due to his sub-par rookie and sophomore seasons.  Since 2010, he's been a quiet BEAST up in Cincy registering a 3.64 ERA in 2010 followed up by a 2.31 ERA campaign in 2011 (6 innings short of qualifying for the ERA crown, though, as he started the season and ended the season on the DL).  Last year, he won 19 games for the Reds and sported a 2.78 ERA.  This guy's ADP was 62.0 this year.  Way too low, guys.

    Kit-Kat- Anyone who knows me well knows that I'm a Kit-Kat man.  Do I love most of the candies listed here?  Yes, yes I do.  But when push comes to shove and hunger turns to starvation, give me a Kit-Kat bar ten out of ten times.  I'm a Kit-Kat connoisseur by all categorizations but in terms of bulk Kit-Kat consumption in a crunch, one of my cousins takes the cake.5  Listen, Kit-Kat's are an underrated snack.  Probably the candy bar you're least likely to regretting buying because of its supreme after-taste.  Just absolute bliss.  Without question, Kit-Kat's fantasy baseball equivalent is Stephen Strasburg.  He's underrated because he's not being drafted in the late first/early second round of drafts. He's an absolute monster who is poised to make the jump from pseudo prospect/budding star to a bonifide star.  Additionally, you won't regret drafting Strasburg as he's a fun player to own.  He racks up tons of strikeouts with his unique throwing motion.  Break me off a piece of that Az-tec arm.

      Reese's Peanut Butter Cups6- Two main attributes of the classic Peanut Butter Cup: very solid combo of chocolate and peanut butter (versatile), but also soft and mushy. I'm a big Zack Greinke fan but he fits the bill here pretty perfectly.  He's a versatile fantasy asset in that he racks up strikeouts, gets a lot of wins and keeps his ERA low.  However, he was proven to be a bit soft in that brawl with Carlos Quentin.  There was no need for Greinke to lead with his left shoulder.  Quentin has at least 35 pounds on the Dodgers righty.  I'm not saying he's soft because he sustained a broken collarbone in a fight with a mad man.  Basically, Greinke tried to act all tough and stuff when he threw his glove down inviting Quentin to tango only to end up as soft as the proverbial cheese.  If Zack is Mr. Peanut butter cup guy, Quentin, unquestionably, is Mr. Could kill him in one punch guy  (50 first dates is a classic... 50 first dates is a classic).7

I'm sure Quentin's a lovely dinner guest... you know, when he's not trying to rip your head off

Speaks for itself

    Crunch Bar- With the Nestlé Crunch bar, there's always a few bumps along the way but, like the Kit-Kat, you never regret buying it.  I'm going with Yankees Southpaw CC Sabathia here.  CC's got an interesting way of getting the ball from the mound to the plate.  Looks like a much less intense Dontrelle Willis from his short-lived prime.  Nonetheless, Sabathia gets the job done year after year.  There's always a few glitches in the radar though as Sabathia tends to got rocked on a few occasions throughout the year.  You never regret grabbing CC though.  End of the year stat-wise, he's as consistent as they come.

    Hershey's-  Created in 1900, the hershey's chocolate bar is the great grandfather's grandpa of candy bars.  So, the pitcher who most resembles this chocolate delight must be an old timer.  This guy's been around for a long time.  Practically a dinosaur.  He's thought of as "that guy who pitches for (insert team he was on 9 years ago here)."  However, he doesn't miss starts.  He's reliable, durable, and never disappoints fantasy owners.   Consistency, thy name is Tim Hudson.  Sporting a career 3.41 era, the former Auburn Tiger has only finished with an era over 4 twice in his career (4.14 in 2000 with Oakland and 4.86 with Atlanta).  In terms of durability, he has only started less than 23 games once, save his rookie year (in 2009 he started 7 times after being out for over a year recovering from Tommy John Surgery).  With an ADP of 161.1, Timmy is vastly underrated as per ushe.

Division 2: What's in a Name?8

    Baby Ruth- Now, we're transitioning into focusing straight on the names themselves.  So, Baby Ruth.  I don't know much about the candy bar but I know quite a bit about the man, Babe Ruth.  I know, I know, the candy bar was named after Grover Cleveland's daughter and not the Sultan of Swat. But, we're talking baseball here so let's compare a modern day pitcher to the Great Bambino.  When I think of the Babe I picture a big dude downing hot dogs.  The next image that comes to mind is CC Sabathia doing the same.  The Crunch Bar and Baby Ruth of baseball, ladies and gentlemen.

Okay they've gotta be friends.  Strasburg's got that goofy,
elated look on his face.  Gio's diggin' Stras's look and
Jzim's diggin' the fact that Gio's diggin' Stras's giddiness

      3 Musketeers- The 3 Musketeers must be a 3 headed monster from one team.  3 solid fantasy arms who hail from the same club.  Maybe they're best friends.  Maybe they're friends.  Maybe they're acquaintances.  Maybe they would forget each other's last names if they weren't sewed on the back of their jerseys.  In any event, I'm taking Gio Gonzalez/Jordan Zimmerman/Strasburg of the Washington Nationals.  Best 3 headed monster in the game right now and it's not really close.


     Butterfingers- Someone who can't handle the ball.  Sorry Chris Young you fit the bill.  A man without a team making a fantasy baseball article.  I'm as confused as you are.

Definitely pissed about something

      Snickers- Looking for a big mouth here.  Someone who chirps a batter who "shows the pitcher up" during his home-run trot.  Naturally, Cole Hamels comes to mind.  Remember, when he admitted to plunking Bryce Harper?  I'm also putting Pirates starter A.J Burnett in here.  I mean just look at him.  He clearly wants to rumble.

100 Grand- Let's equate this to a million dollar man because, let's face it, MLB players roll in the dough.  Mets lefty specialist Tim Byrdak, Texas Rangers Southpaw Derek Holland, and Toronto Bluejays pseudo-save man Sergio Santos are a few of the players who earned exactly 10 times 100 Grand last year.  "A hundred grand on my wrist, yea life sucks."  Maybe Young Jeezy should be on this list, too.

To shell out some more fantasy advice, here's a list of SP/RP I feel are underrated, perfectly rated or overrated (ADP in parenthesis)

Underrated

(87.0) Matt Moore TB- dude is ready
(129.7) Jake Peavy CHW- look at his K/9, ERA, and WHIP last year... 3 or 4 rounds too late
(149.6) Jeff Samardzija CHC- strikeout god
(164.6) Matt Harvey NYM- should've been drafted at least 6 rounds earlier
(181.6) Mike Minor ATL- gonna give you some bang for your buck... his 2012 ERA was a fluke
(209.4) Casey Janssen TOR- pretty reliable closer going way too late
(222.8) Marco Estrada MIL- strikeout machine
(230.9) Hishashi Iwakuma- the Japanese native is a dynamite complement to King Felix in the M's rotation

Perfectly Rated

(38.2) Craig Kimbrel ATL- Kimbrel is so dominant that the rating is justified9
(40.3) Gio Gonzalez WSH- he's a legit stud and was drafted as such
(85.4) Max Scherzer DET- an ERA/WHIP risk coming with tons of wins/strikeouts... fairly rated
(108.6) Josh Johnson TOR- could be a stud, could be terrible
(117.7) John Lester BOS- bounce-back year coming
(150.3) C.J Wilson LAA- eh
(152.9) Huston Street SD- really talented closer who comes with high injury risk

Overrated

(56.4) R.A Dickey TOR- no way he duplicates last year's stats
(62.3) Aroldis Chapman CIN- he's not even a starter or a closer right now... 3 rounds too high
(88.4) Yovani Gallardo MIL- always an overrated guy... at this point, he's not reaching his potential
(111.3) J.J Putz ARI- watch out for hard-throwing bullpen mate David Hernandez
(115.0) Roy Halladay PHI- on his way out... I don't care that he pitched well against Miami today10
(115.5) Joel Hanrahan BOS- Andrew Bailey in the backdrop...
(116.4) Tim Lincecum SF- bold call: he'll be a closer by the deadline for a team not named the Giants

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¹25 HR, 91 RBI and a .279 avg for Rosario this year.  Book it.

²The Mets still only have 4 losses, right?  Unless they went on a huge losing skid as I typed that sentence, my math is indeed correct.  

³Clearly I'm a huge fan of "The Office."  If you don't understand this reference, it means you have not seen every episode of the show or have not retained all information from every episode of the show.  Either way, stop reading right now and go watch.

  

⁴This is based on a few assumptions: Your league uses a daily roster format (rather than a weekly roster one), you have no acquisition limit for the year and you compete each week in various categories with the victor's win total increasing by 1 (If you win your first matchup of the season by a score of 7 categories to 3, your team is 1-0 not 7-3.  The other way is just un-American.  If you don't win a matchup, you lose.  That's just how it is.  No in between).

⁵Do I get brownie points for that wicked alliteration?  Sorry, I can't stop making dessert jokes.  Getting back to discussing my superior short-term snacking cousin, my buddy Wayne and I once walked in on him slammin' back about three sleeves of Kit-Kats in a span of minutes.  That's about a 24 spot right there.

⁶Not to be confused with ReeseSticks.  Two totally different candy bars "both in quality of ingredients and overall taste," to quote Oscar from The Office.  Never order from Pizza by Alfredo, people.  Alfredo's Pizza Cafe reigns supreme.

⁷I can neither confirm nor deny that I am making a reference to Ten second Tom.  Dude's one of the most underrated movie characters in history.

⁸Unfortunately, M&M's do not qualify as candy bars.  Could've done a lot with that one.  

⁹I personally would never draft a closer this high, though.

¹⁰My neighbor defiantly claims that she threw a perfect game vs Miami in spring training.  She's 93 years old.  This may be more of a testament to her decreasing mental condition than the Marlins lack of offense (this anecdote may or may not be false).