In the modern world of Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat and all that other junk, there is no doubt that people are more connected than ever before. Does Social Media make the revelation and dissemination of news quicker and more exciting? Absolutely. Does Social Media afford for an increase in social interaction, enabling physically separated individuals to maintain camaraderie? Of Course. Does Social Media perpetuate social stereotypes and stigmas while also narrowing the borders between different social cliques? Yes, this is true.
In this piece, I will tackle some of the "most difficult" social-media-based decisions people deal with daily. To be clear, I will be using the literary technique of hyperbole, breaking down these minuscule decisions by peering into an individual's thought processes. Although this is meant to be a satire, it can not be denied that people do engage in some of these cognitive processes when making these choices. Without further ado, I present my top 3 dilemmas.
1. The case of the misspelled tweet- Let's start with a really petty one... Here's the situation... You've just concocted a masterful 140 Characters or less and are about to send your grandiloquent prose out into your personal Twitter community. You're happy with the tweet, dreaming about a dozen favorites or so even though you average a mere 0.7/tweet (.66 of which are immediate family members) and you've maxed out at 3 (that one blissful Sunday afternoon when all Jets fans were "favoriting" each other's despondent Jet tweets). Ok, so, your shirt's untucked from your pants, you've got an Italian belt on and of course you're suited up (shout-out to @mattychops9). You muster up some courage and send out the tweet. Boom. Favorited. After the initial excitement washes over, you re-read your tweet (similar to how a pro ball-player will watch the tape of their 6th career minor-league Home-Run) and are immediately filled with bewilderment. How did you spell that word wrong? I mean, of course, you spell-checked. Probably even sent that baby to a couple of good writers you knew just to avoid this sort of situation. Essentially, as the favorites start piling on, you realize that you butchered one of the key words in the tweet. In most situations, you would immediately delete the tweet and re-post it with the correct spelling, but this is not your typical situation. You're sittin' pretty with a half dozen favorites. So what do you do? You know the favorites don't automatically carry over (although there should be some rule that establishes this). By re-posting the tweet, you risk losing those favorites you worked so hard to accumulate. An absolute doozy of a dilemma. Wouldn't wish it on anyone.
2. The Facebook birthday post- The scenario. It's 12:00 A.M (EST). You're in your room, dorm room, apartment complex, piece of sidewalk, frat house, regular house, above-average house in terms of total square yardage of owned land, or wherever you hit the hay like a champ. You're browsing Facebook, and notice that it is So-and-So's birthday. Immediately, you're placed in a perplexing predicament. Should you throw them a wall post? Should you not? If so, what should you write? Happy Birthday? Uppercase? Lowercase? Include their name? Don't include their name? Add a corny pun? Try to think of a more original pun? Don't include a pun at all? (obvious bad choice) Almost instantly, your mind begins to re-examine and re-analyis every face to face encounter you've every had with the person. With this post (assuming you even post), you need to find the perfect median between "I'm being over the top for the extent to which I know you" (example: "Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!!!" to your mail-man whom you exchanged a brief conversation with four years ago... why you would even be friends with said mail-man on Facebook is a whole different question entirely) and the "I insulted you with a lackluster post because we are closer friends than this" (example: "happy bday" to your best friend... although the exception to this is when you are trying to elicit a response from your friend; the gesture is meant to be humorous). The Facebook post is almost always a tough decision because it is not cut and dry. After a few minutes of pondering, you may have decided to green-light the post, but you haven't decided how to deliver your sentiment. Once again, these memories flash in your head... "Did he/she reciprocate my "hello" in the hallway three years ago in High School?" "Did So-and-So acknowledge my birthday?" Which, by the way, leads me to my Top 2 Worst Birthday Posters... 1) That guy who checks what you wrote to them last year and copies it exactly in order to maintain a perfect balance... Working a little too hard there, guy. And 2) That guy who always writes to someone who never writes back to him. Have some self-respect bro. Yes this is a list inside a list.
3. Follower/Followers; The Optimum Balance- No situation here just a few thoughts though. Everyone knows that guy/girl who has approximately 109 more followers than people they follow. Unless you have achieved some kind of small-scale celebrity status or are a notorious twitter kingpin (shoutout to Ishaboi (@mikefroccaro)), this should be looked down upon in society. Instead, this person is usually celebrated and looked up to for accumulating this many "fans" without being a "fan" to nearly as many people. Classic power move. These people will do ANYTHING to get their ratio up. Follow someone solely to get their follow back only to subsequently unfollow them? Check. Unfollow one of your best friends with the rationale that their tweets don't meet your standards? Don't even think twice. It's all a game to these people and they make these "Should I follow? Should I accept their follower request?" decisions based on the coveted "ratio." No to the former question and Yes to the latter question. That's the formula for this kind. My ideal policy? Someone follows you, you follow back. If they tweet in high volume and most tweets are duds, you unfollow. If the only thing they've ever tweeted was a classic "I'm a big fan!!" tweet with 2 too many exclamation points 10 months ago at Chad Johnson (then Ochocinco) then yes, it's okay to unfollow. Even if you've lost touch with the person you can unfollow them. But not following the person solely to keep the ratio up? Uncool.
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